he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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