Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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