how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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