I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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