I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
