She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
