oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I want to fling myself into the sun
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
