I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
