Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
