I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
