u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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