are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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