i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
