just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
