That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
