trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
