If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
