How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
