do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
