Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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