i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
