I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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