my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
