I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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