My cat gives me a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
