shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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