he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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