Don't make out with my wife yet
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
