my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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