Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
MIDGETS
????
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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