Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
