I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
