She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
