nut hugger
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
