I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
