he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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