Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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