i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
