please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize