he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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