dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
