ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
