I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
