On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
