i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
