...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
