i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
