its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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