I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
