i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
