no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
