you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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