it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize