hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
