I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
