i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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