I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize