If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
