i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize