the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
