I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
