So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
