You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
