Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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