new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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