Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
