Kiss
Puke
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
