Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize