I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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