Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
