wanna go halves on a baby?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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