How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
