just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
